When Setting Boundaries Is The Best Way To Love.
We have big ambitions.
We want to love every last person on this earth.
We so badly want to reach out to those in need, to be the hands and feet of Jesus, to rescue the broken.
But sometimes guys, it’s not our job.
Sometimes the best way to love is to take a step back.
Relationships are powerful things.
Sitting in the presence of another is a powerful thing.
We are human beings, and we can greatly affect each other.
I have a tendency to melt into people.
I soak up their pain, their sorrow, their brokenness. I soak it in until it is weighing me down like an overfilled sponge. I am no help to anyone when that happens.
And so I am learning to say “no”. I am learning to know my limits when it comes to being in relationship with others.
When someone we love is in pain, we just want to fix it. We want them to know they are not alone, and so we do anything and everything we can to show them they are loved. That we will be there no matter what.
But at what cost?
Do we ourselves begin to crumble under the toxicity of the relationship? Do we begin to lose sleep, our own sanity?
You see, we can love without melting into the other person.
We can say “no” and still care for them.
We can hold boundaries that are necessary for us, and still be loving like Jesus.
In fact, Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself (Mark 12:31)”.
It is just as important to care for our own emotional needs as it is for the needs of others.
And sometimes that means trusting God enough to take a step back. To let go of our need to control the other person’s situation. And to trust God to lead the way.
It’s easy to get so caught up in what we think we need to do to love others, that we forget to listen to God’s voice. We say, “no worries. I got this”, but we forget that we’re not the ones driving the car.
Let’s stop trying to save the world on our own. Let’s stop trying to mend broken hearts in a frantic frenzy because we feel like we need to. Let’s sit back and be still every once in a while, and let the Savior lead us where he needs us.
Let’s relax into the same arms that are holding the world. He’s got this.
I am having a hard time doing this. I moved from Mexico to The Netherlands 2 years ago and I found out for the first time how was really the health situation of my husband, schizophrenia and adhd. It is really hard to find that “let go and trust” because I don’t have friends here, no support network. I trust he was taking his treatment properly and he wasn’t which lead into a psichotic crisis, I was close to leave him … now I am in a situation in which I don’t fully trust him and I am not feeling completely secure and at the same time I am trying to belong in this new country but is so hard.We live in a village where the church only speaks in dutch and my level is still very basic that I don’t understand it. I don’t know when “enough is enough” if he is trying to get better but i can’t fully trust him … and I really don’t know what to do. I want so much my marriage to work but his mental situation is soo hard that I am not sure that will happen and I don’t know how to set up my boundaries. Everyday I feel overwhelmed and I don’t know how to be happy under my circumstances. I know God is with me but phisically, I feel alone.
Oh this is so hard. And in situations where our loved ones are not in a good place letting go is agonizing. I have been there. What has helped me is letting go of expectations, blame, shame, not necessarily the person. However, I do not know your situation enough and you have to be able to hear yourself, trust your instincts. I am so sorry you are going through this. Find me on social media, message me. I am here.
by the way, is the first time I find your blog and this post is the first one I read. I will read the rest of your posts. Thank you