Tag Archive for: self care

Peace in Doubt and Fear-How?

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In the weeks since my interview on The Bible For Normal People aired, Ive gotten many questions about how I’ve accepted fear and doubt in my faith. To be clear, I haven’t reached some kind of Nirvana in my Christian faith where no longer struggle. But I have picked up some tools along the way to allow myself to question and doubt without fearing that I am somehow undoing my faith.

  1. Have Faith- Well that seems a tad backwards doesn’t it? Isn’t doubting the absence of faith? Some might say so. But I completely disagree. The first step to embracing your doubt, is stepping out in faith; Believing that God is bigger than everything that you cognitively know about “him”. Not easy my friends, and really uncomfortable. But until I made the decision to trust that God stays the same regardless of what direction I go, every new question felt like the scariest place in the world.
  2. Surround Yourself With People Who Support You- Did you notice that I did not say, “people who think exactly like you do”. My faith journey requires people from all different belief systems, all walks of life, all struggles. We all bring something important to the table. Yes, seek out a few people who are sitting right at the same place you are, but allow room for others to teach you as well. Be open to growing in every situation.
  3. Know Yourself- Know yourself, and trust yourself. If you aren’t working towards that, then it’s hard to know and trust God. I’ve found many outlets over the years to help me know myself. Writing, acting, running, swimming. I’ve also found that saying no to people and experiences that just don’t feel right helps build trust and peace with myself. If God lives within us, then we should make knowing ourselves a priority. If you don’t know where to start, try journaling for 5 minutes everyday-don’t think, just write.

Those are the big three. The things I cling to as I walk my faith journey. Doubt is just uncertainty, and uncertainty leads to the desire to know, which ultimately leads to learning, which leads to wisdom. So doubt and fear, my friends, is such a wonderful gift.

Getting Over Myself

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It sounds harsh, but it’s really not. It’s actually the most self loving thing I do for myself. It’s what I do when all other options have been exhausted, and all that’s left is me and a pile of things I am wallowing in.

Mind you, I’ve been in therapy for almost my entire life. I know all the coping skills and therapeutic jargon. I spent two months in a therapeutic wilderness camp and 16 months at a therapeutic boarding school. So you might say I’ve made a lifetime of working through my issues. That being said, I haven’t been able to rid myself of my humanness, and so, many of my issues still remain. I’ve learned over the years that there are times when I need to really nurture the sensitive parts of myself and times when I just have to get over it.

And the best thing is all I have to do is snap my fingers and voila! I’m over it!

KIDDING.

It’s a state of mind and active work.The thing I’ve been struggling with the most recently is my brand new post baby body. It is not easy to watch your body change throughout pregnancy, and even less easy to watch it stay the same after. For some, the baby weight comes off steadily. For others, like myself, healthy eating and balanced exercise does nothing. And guys, it’s been really hard. To not fit into my favorite outfits, a meltdown leading up to any event that I can’t wear Erics t-shirts to. My perfectionist little self doesn’t know what to do with this body that I can’t control. Everyone can see I’m not “perfect”-que panic attack. This struggle is the perfect “get over it struggle” and here is why:

  1. I am not currently struggling with an eating disorder
  2. I am doing everything I can (in a healthy way) to keep my body nourished and strong.
  3. I had a baby 8 months ago
  4. Hormones are still wacky

The above reasons show that I am in an overall healthy emotional state, doing my best to change my situation, which includes factors outside of my control. That last one is a huge one. Baby weight is out of my control. Totally. I’m doing my best and it’s still here. So basically I have two options.

  1. Spend the summer miserable and hiding in Erics old lacrosse pinnies.
  2. Recognize it’s not ideal, give myself grace, buy a few new outfits that work with my current self.

Spoiler alert: Ive chosen number 2. But it’s not over yet. Daily I must remind myself that it’s not the end of the world. I’m okay. It’s summer and I don’t have to wear pants if I don’t want to-YASSSS! My journal is filled with reminders. The mornings are filled with music that uplifts me and points me to Jesus. My thoughts repeat over and over “this body gave me Lilah. I honor this body for its strength”.

If I am not intentional, then choosing to get over it is pointless. You must get over it every single day, hour, second. Bettering ourselves is HARD work. That’s why sometimes we choose to just be crappy people or wallow in crappy situations. But wallowing steals joy and purpose. And I want both of those things in my life. What about you? What do you need to get over?

Love to you on your journey. It’s all so worth it.

Done With the Mom Thing.

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My sweet girls’ smile, her excitedly kicking feet, her laugh, those big observant eyes. When I’m not near her I want to be, I crave holding her little body close. That same little person requires so much of my energy, time, and patience. The nap struggle, feeding from me like I’m a dairy farm, does she need more tummy time or less, google this symptom and that. The mom thing can be exhaustingly beautiful. And so when I need to I’m learning to say “I am done with the mom thing. ”

Heaven forbid that as mothers we choose to relinquish titles and responsibilities to spend time doing our own thing. GASP! Don’t worry, Lilah is well cared for when I take time off from mamahood. I never do so at her expense. But oh how desperately I want my little girl to know how to love and care for herself. And I can show her how by knowing when I need to be done with the mom thing.

Last night I went to a friend’s musical. And as I watched, I felt this passion rise inside me that has been resting for over a year. How I love to perform. And how I love to do so many things outside of my role as a mom. I might even argue that pursuing those passions in tangible ways is just as important as being there constantly for my little one. Because as much as she needs my attention and affection and my boobs, she also needs my example. The example of a woman who follows her heart, whose driven, and dynamic, and multifaceted.

So be bold my mama (and daddy) friends! Follow your dreams and your heart. Make your children a priority But don’t make them your entire world, because really that is doing them a disservice. To my Lilah lu, I hope that you always know how much your mama loves you and also how much your mama tries to care for herself. I love you little one❤️