Tag Archive for: enough

It’s okay to “just” be a mom.

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It’s okay to “just” be a mom.

Light filters through the window of the playroom, casting a joyous glow on the toys littering the floor. I am here in the midst of them, legs crossed, protecting my coffee in between them like a precious gem (which in fact it is). I love my life…Don’t I?

A screech erupts behind me as my newest walker toddles towards his big sister holding her favorite Barbie. I watch the scene unfold for a bit before taking the doll out of his chubby hands. This fulfills me…Right?

I take another sip of my coffee and plan the day out in my head. Nap, snack, walk. Okay, but how am I going to get us all to dinner? Movies it is. Again. This is my dream…Isn’t it?

A few minutes pass and I absentmindedly scroll through my news feed, a habit I have picked up whenever my hands are idle. Everyone looks so productive. I can’t pass a scroll without seeing at least one #momboss hashtag. These women are rocking it. I immediately feel inferior, I need to do more- be more. Why haven’t I finished the sample chapter for my book proposal? Why is my brain constantly in a fog? How do I still not know how to template my newsletters? For the love of God can I please just get a blog post out already.

But then I stop. I don’t HAVE to do anything. It’s okay for me to “just” be a mom. God knows theres enough going on over here to keep me at my brink for years to come. I can pick and choose in each and every moment whether or not I want to add something to my plate. If I don’t want to increase my followers, or write my book, or be a health coach, or save the world, I don’t have to.

It’s okay to “just” be a mom and for that to be enough. Because it is. And maybe stay-at-home-moms are still lacking the bad-ass title that they are due from the world. But I can claim it anyway. I can claim my own enough-ness, know my own needs, know my own worth.

If I want to do more, then I can. But I don’t HAVE to. I really don’t.

It’s okay to “just” be a mom.

 

Who Am I?

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Is that not the age old question?

And although I hoped against all hope that I would escape the baggage that question brings this year, I am slowly realizing that I have not. In fact, as the years pass, the stronger the question:

Who Am I?

As a Christian I know that I am a child of God, prized, loved, pure, perfect in the eyes of my savior. But the resounding truth is often muddled with the noise of the world all around me.

Who Am I?

I am a wife, a daughter, a sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin, friend. I am a writer, a teacher, an actress an athlete. I am sweet, I am sassy, I am thoughtful, witty, sad, happy, angry, and a thousand other things.

And yet, I am none of them.

Whenever I let one of those things define me, I falter.

Sometimes I have to remind myself,

“if you were none of those things you would still be enough.”

Some days I believe it and some days I don’t, but I keep saying it to myself over and over. Because, I don’t want to live a life searching, chasing down identities that I can hide behind for a while.

“Who am I?” isn’t really the question. And while I know that i’ll continue to ask it in some form my entire life, I will not let it define me. Because who I think I am in any given moment, isn’t really who I am at all. All these things I think and say that I am, barely scratch the surface of who I am in the eyes of my King.