Why We Need To Chill A Little Bit On The “Big Experiences”.

There’s an epidemic that’s sweeping the nation.

It’s one not often talked about because most people see it as entirely freeing, not at all enslaving.

It’s the new thing. everybody is doing it. And if you’re not, you’re missing something.

At least that’s what it would have you think.

No longer are young people like myself graduating college and getting jobs and settling down.

Everyone is searching for something bigger, something better…

ALL THE TIME.

It doesn’t seem like just a phase, or an itch to see the world a little bit, or try new things. It’s this driving force, telling us that we need to be doing something so huge that everyone can see how awesome it is.

It’s this inability to settle into mundane and simple.

Literally we can’t do it.

I was cleaning out my closet the other day, and one of my best friends from college came over to catch up. She sat on my unmade bed as I meticulously went through all of my old clothes in an effort to part with the ones I didn’t need.

And while I worked, we began to talk, and a theme erupted through the conversation.

“Not enough”

We both were feeling like we weren’t doing enough, being enough, experiencing enough.

Interestingly, this has been the theme of so many conversations I have had over the last few months with other friends of mine.

We all feel like we need to be doing something big and bold.

I am NOT saying that we shouldn’t do spontaneous things, follow our dreams, travel the world.

But not everything has to be recognized as a “big thing” by the world around us.

We don’t have anything to prove to anyone else, or even ourselves.

We don’t need to let this driving force of “not enough” take us to a million different places before we realize that what we were following was something empty, not our own hearts, not the heart of our maker.

If you want to travel, or get a new job, or move to a new place then do it!

But you don’t have to.

You really really don’t.

You can stay right where you are and be right where you need to be.

There are big things happening all around us.

The fact of the matter is, that no matter where we are in life or where we’re stationed in the world, there is a purpose for our lives and an adventure to be had.

We can’t lose sight of that because we think that we need to be somewhere else.

We can trust in the one who goes before us, who leads our lives, we can simply follow his direction.

We can rejoice in the life we are living, the adventure all around us, and let go of that controlling force that tells us that we must be doing something else, somewhere else.

Take a deep breath.

Right now, in this moment, we are right where we need to be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Don’t Know If I Would Say “Yes”.

Yesterday there was another shooting. I am sure you’ve all read the headlines, the stories.

Word is that this young man targeted christians.

In high school, I watched a documentary about Rachel Joy Scott (you can find the website in her memory here). She was a christian girl targeted by the columbine shooters. She was 17 years old when she was killed. 17 years old when she professed her faith to Jesus Christ with a gun to her head.

I always wondered…would I do that?

And now as I scroll through Facebook from the safety of my living room, I keep seeing the hashtag #Iwouldsayyes.

Meant to be used by those who follow Christ. Those would would die before they would deny Him.

Such deep faith.

Such deep love for our maker.

Love and faith that I claim to have.

Some days I really think it’s there.

Other days I wrestle with how much I am willing to surrender.

 

How much I would really give up.

Do I really, truly, deeply, believe that God is greater than all things?

Even death?

Would I say “yes”?

Or would I swallow the bile in my throat, and as my life flashed before my eyes, quietly mutter “no”.

Would I profess my love and faith in Christ?

Or would I quickly put my own life before it?

 

Today I sit in remembrance of those who lost their lives.

Prayers constantly on my lips for all involved.

My heart has been humbled.

Every inch of me wants to say I would not waver.

But I cannot sit here today and say that without a doubt I would say “yes”.

I cannot.

And that is a hard pill to swallow.

 

He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” {Matthew 17:20}

 

Why A Lot Of People Don’t Really Like Christians.

There are so many super obvious, big, reasons why people don’t like christians. They’re usually things that are all over the news and make me not really want to be associated with christians either. But what about the other little things?

When I was in boarding school I had a friend who spoke her mind incessantly. I have her to thank for what backbone I do have now. She was also the first person in my life who really challenged my faith. She wasn’t a christian; in fact pretty much hated christians, and yet, we were friends.

I remember one morning, I was out in the yard (aka a bunch of cactuses and dead grass-it was Arizona) sitting in my crazy creek, reading my bible. It was a Saturday morning, already swelteringly hot. This friend came over and sat down next to me. She threw a few jabs over what I was reading and then paused and looked at me and said,

“Do you really believe that stuff? Or do you just believe it because your family does?”

I looked up at her, ready to say that of course I did, but instead I said,

“I don’t know.”

I think I probably blushed. I couldn’t believe I had said that. What was I thinking? The answer is always that I believe. Always. always. always. How could I have been such an idiot?

That girl saved my life.

She really did.

Because for the first time in probably forever, I realized that I had no clue what I believed. No clue.

Thanks to her, I began a journey to find out exactly what I did believe.

But I also began to wonder, how she saw that inside of me? How she knew that I wasn’t really sure of anything, and how many other people could see that too.

So many of my favorite writers and speakers are making a turn towards vulnerability. A turn towards embracing and then sharing the messiness and the struggles of life.

But in general, I take a step back, and I look at this group of us journeying after Jesus and what I see is a lot of perfection. A lot of trying to “get it right”. A lot of saying the right things. A lot of perfectly dressed for church, and Pinterest perfect houses.

Maybe that’s just  because I am looking in my own mirror. But maybe it’s also because it’s true.

Behind all of those things are hearts that are broken, stories waiting to be told, laundry to be done, faith being shattered.

I think people don’t like us because we look like we’re wrapped up in a nice little bow all the time, not a hair out of place.

Maybe we need to be more concerned with sharing our brokenness, and less concerned with sharing the pretty stuff.

Not that there’s anything wrong with the pretty stuff. I love decorating my house, and putting together outfits.

But maybe that’s not the part of me that needs to be broadcast.

Maybe the part of me that needs to be broadcast the loudest is the part of me that lives in anxiety 90% of the time, and the part of me who doesn’t always believe in God’s goodness, and the part of me who spends some days just surviving.

Maybe that’s what is missing to the people all around us.

The truth.

Maybe we’re so busy showing people how God has changed our lives and how much we are living for him that we’re forgetting to mention that we need him every second or else we fall flat on our smug faces.

“My grace is sufficient for you, because my power is made perfect in your weakness.”                   {2 Cointhians 12:9}

 

Are You There God? Seriously…Are You?

Ever felt this way?

Standing on a mountaintop shouting into the abyss hoping there’s someone out there greater than you that will hear you?

Jesus himself even felt that way in Gethsemane. He cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me (Matthew 27:46)”.

If Jesus can say that kind of stuff, then why can’t we?

If Jesus can sit in the midst of pain and suffering and the messiness of life and challenge God, then we can too.

We’re allowed. We don’t have to pretend.

 

 

I fight against my humanness tooth and nail.

I want to be God.

And so I spend a lot of my life standing on metaphorical mountaintops screaming into the abyss.

I am a loud screamer, not always a very good listener.

“If I can just control this one last thing then It will all make sense”, I tell myself.

And then I find myself in these places where I am screaming and screaming and wondering where God is.

And then He tells me that I was too busy trying to be Him, too busy running my own life, too busy perfecting my own life to pay Him any attention.

Crap.

He’s listening to me. He’s sitting with me in my sorrows. He’s walking beside me in my triumphs. But I’m too busy screaming on mountaintops and running my mouth to notice.

I all too quickly forget that when I’m face down on the bathroom floor shaking fists at the sky, He’s sitting there next too me waiting for me to turn around and notice Him.

“Who are you shaking your fists at?” He would say, “I’m right here.”