I Don’t Know If I Would Say “Yes”.

Yesterday there was another shooting. I am sure you’ve all read the headlines, the stories.

Word is that this young man targeted christians.

In high school, I watched a documentary about Rachel Joy Scott (you can find the website in her memory here). She was a christian girl targeted by the columbine shooters. She was 17 years old when she was killed. 17 years old when she professed her faith to Jesus Christ with a gun to her head.

I always wondered…would I do that?

And now as I scroll through Facebook from the safety of my living room, I keep seeing the hashtag #Iwouldsayyes.

Meant to be used by those who follow Christ. Those would would die before they would deny Him.

Such deep faith.

Such deep love for our maker.

Love and faith that I claim to have.

Some days I really think it’s there.

Other days I wrestle with how much I am willing to surrender.

How much I would really give up.

Do I really, truly, deeply, believe that God is greater than all things?

Even death?

Would I say “yes”?

Or would I swallow the bile in my throat, and as my life flashed before my eyes, quietly mutter “no”.

Would I profess my love and faith in Christ?

Or would I quickly put my own life before it?

Today I sit in remembrance of those who lost their lives.

Prayers constantly on my lips for all involved.

My heart has been humbled.

Every inch of me wants to say I would not waver.

But I cannot sit here today and say that without a doubt I would say “yes”.

I cannot.

And that is a hard pill to swallow.

He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” {Matthew 17:20}