Enough.
I think I may have written a similar post a while back, but I feel that it is so applicable to my life and the lives of the people I interact with closely, that I just have to share my thoughts on it once again.
I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe that He should be my hope and my life and my portion.
But He isn’t.
23 years later and I am still running my own life (or trying to anyway). Yes, I experiences beautiful moments of fully relying on God’s grace and love, but I would be lying if I told you that is my all day, everyday.
As I go through my days, I feel captive to that all to familiar feeling of “not-enough-ness”. That feeling of doing and doing and doing and still feeling like you are never measuring up. The feeling that nothing is quite enough. No relationship, no job, no act of service, no amount of weight loss, no talent.
My Jesus may have saved me from this, but I in my sinfulness cling to to control of my own life.
I am reminded of this verse: Romans 7:15
“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate I do.”
Can I get an AMEN?!!!!
This SOOOOO describes my life. I am desperate for Jesus. Desperate for his peace in every moment; Desperate to be more like him. And yet often go running in the opposite direction. I fall short…
Romans 3:23
“For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.”
Such a blessing to be reminded of this right smack in the middle of God’s word!
Now back to the hard part…ACCEPTANCE. You’d think it would be easy for us to accept this kind of Truth. This is our freedom! Why can’t we grasp it?
I came to the realization the other day that usually I don’t serve others out of joy in the Lord, I serve out of feeling obligated and out of “not-enough-ness”. Now don’t get me wrong, I often find joy in serving, regardless of my initial selfish intentions (praise Jesus for that), but I don’t want to operate out of that feeling. I want to operate out of His grace and His peace and His love.
Sometimes the hardest part is not knowing how to let go. I am so used to operating on my own, so used to earning love in this fallen world that I cannot even grasp the kind of love that asks for nothing in return.
I want to drink in that voice that says:
“You are mine.
I created every part of you for a purpose.
Every second I am right beside you.
I will never leave you.
Nothing you do shocks me.
Nothing you do even disappoints me.
My love is perfect.
It is forever.
It is unbreakable.
I love you sweet child of mine.”
Elizabeth – I just tried posting and my words vanished. Second time is a charm.
Your post brought me back to a very specific point in time. My mother had just taken her life and for some reason, for the first time ever, I felt Jesus' presence. Prior, I had felt utterly alone and definitely not "enough." Shortly afterwards, I heard my best friend sing this song. I'm sure you know it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J95rAr0gOFU (warning: cheesy video).
My best friend, singing a different song sounds like this: (no cheesy video).
http://www.sixmilecross.net/Downloads/Medicine%20Hat%20-%20Man's%20World.mp3
Anyway, I started weeping. I still do when I hear the song. It reminds me that I am enough. You are too.
Romans 8:1 [paraphrased] There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus [the "I Am" presence] has set you free from the law of sin and of death. 3 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do: by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and to deal with sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 so that the just requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh [the egoic mind] but according to the Spirit [the mind of Christ].
http://jeshua21.wordpress.com/2013/08/25/no-effort-is-necessary/